Me too Brutus, I have also Shifted!!!!

Guy, though I registered the url, two months back, the impetus to actively blog in wordpress came in only yesterday. and so, I have also taken the plunge, head first into wordpress!!!
Hope to see you guys there!!!!
http://quintessentialhope.wordpress.com/
Please update all your blogrolls..... thank you. I am still in the process of coming up with something stupid and useless.
"So please the excuse"!!!! :)

-Ordinary Guy

Who am I?

After hours and hours of deep introspective thought and cosmic cogitation, I have come to the conclusion that I am 30 % Tamilian, 50 % Malayalee, 10 % Telugu, 5 % Kannada and 5 % Marathi.

Please don’t snigger at the implications guys!!! I am serious and I spent many hours thinking because a dear friend of mine, Mr. ND gave me an ultimatum two days back, “Arre miya, tu pehle decide kar ki tu kidar se hai karke” (Hey bro, please decide as to where you are from).

The problem (as per him) is that, when I meet Tamilians, I ingratiate with them saying that I am a Tamilian, and I do the same with Mallus, Telugus and Kannadigas!!!! When people talk about Chennai, Tirupati, Cochin, Trivandrum, Coimbatore, Palakkad, Bangalore, Mumbai or Vellore, I always end up saying that it is my city, my gaawn and people get confused.

Where or how do I start? My dad is from Chennai, but his ancestors used to live in Tirupati. Most of my paternal family members are in Chennai but those old Telugu connections are always visible even though we speak Tamil at home. My Granddad (May your soul rest in peace) spent his childhood in AP and anything Telugu was dear to him. I remember as a child, I had to suffer multiple TV programs even when I did not understand a word of what they said and my "Official Native place" is a village called "Nagapudi" on the TN-AP border.

My Mom is from Palakkad in Kerala and most of my moms relatives are in Kerala and I have lived a lot of my life in Kerala as well. Similarly, I have also lived “enough” in Bangalore and Mumbai to claim roots!!!

So when I was pondering over this issue, while I was wolfing down a couple of well deserved “Grilled Stuffed Burritos” at “Taco Bell”, I saw this sign:

No, but that was not good enough. Hence, I decided to follow another approach as shown below:

Thinking “Ouside the Pav” gave me the above answer; that I am 30 % Tamilian, 50 % Malayalee, 10 % Telugu, 5 % Kannada, 5 % Marathi.

But if I tell this to ND, he would probably take the next available plane from Mumbai to come here to kill me. So what do I tell him?
Maybe I could tell him that I am nameless, faceless nomad still in search of an identity….

Or Maybe, I could tell him that I am like a blot, some black ink on a white piece of paper, still visualizing things in monochrome, always on the quest!!!

What ever I tell him, ND’s mental processors are going to burn out!!!!!!!! :P LOL.... I should probably call him today!!!

PS: If you guys are interesting in knowing, FR is the tall lanky guy on the extreme left, in the first photo..... :)

My Mood Today!

The abyss that stretched in front of him was about 8000 miles long. Though gregarious by nature; he kept walking alone, along the shore of solitude not knowing what to do. The mighty Varuna separated him from his country. The footprints in the sand, he knew would soon disintegrate just like his self doubts.

PS: My 55 word story thanks to inspiration from Solilo and Hitchwriter and Usha!!! This is hard!! When I first wrote this, it exceeded a hundred words, then I had to use "CNTRL X" a lot to reach 55 words!!

New Addition to our Clan!!!

I must be the happiest guy in the whole universe!!! The reason for that is my elder cousin sister, my dearest dearest dearest cousin sister has given birth to a “dude in the making” today, the 20th of March 2009 at 10:32 PM IST.

Dear (he who has not been named yet),
You must be the luckiest guy in the world for having such wonderful parents. I can say that since I have known your mother for almost 26 years and your dad for almost 5 years now!!! Your dad would probably go down in history as the sweetest soul there ever existed and please don’t take advantage of that when you grow up. On the other hand, I am sure that your Mom would be very strict but kind. She is a smart lady and would be totally ready for all your tricks. I can say that coz I have tried many and never succeeded.

God Bless and May you know someday, that your uncle’s (makes me sound old) heart which is 8000 miles away right now beats for you and that your uncle took a vow 3 hours back, that he would do anything to ensure that you are happy and would also strive hard to be the best possible uncle and meet your standards!!!

Dear Sister NS,
The circle of life is just truly wonderful, now that I think of it. It only seems like yesterday that we were both playing with He-Man and GI Joe toys for hours and hours together and I thank you for the time you spent engaging this tiny brat even though you did not like it. I also thank you for introducing this little brat to the world of Enid Blyton and also for reading out to him, the stories of fatty and his little doggie Buster when ever he used to pester you. When we were young, this brat always used to wait for the summer holidays, so that he could come to Cochin from Chennai and have an absolute blast for two months and he still vividly remembers all the holidays, especially the pillow fights and bathroom skating competitions. I only wish that we could meet more often now!

Thanks a lot of advising me on multiple issues ranging from girls to bank savings and I will retain till death, the wisdom you have passed on………
I might be 8000 miles away, but my heart and soul is with you guys in Cochin now!!!

Yours Lovingly,
Ajit

Ladies and Gentlemen: Is it possible to feel so much affection for a little baby you have never seen? I don’t know but I am literally walking in the clouds and I have not yet seen a photo of the little one!

Akkare VI: The Vegas Trip: Part Three: How Super Star taught me a lesson!!

Part One: Learn about how FR convinced OG to organize the Vegas Trip; know more about the “Fellowship of Suffer-Ring” and on how they reached Vegas at around noon.

Part Two: Learn about how this ordinary guy checked into his hotel and lost a hundred dollars while gambling on Saturday and decided that he needed to get that money back the next day.
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Warning: Please read this post along with the multiple videos with high volume at the corresponding time for the proper punch effect!!! otherwise you would be wasting your time!

I got up pretty early on Sunday determined to win back my money and make more in the process!! Gone were the noble thoughts of contributing to the economy, gone were the thoughts of making a difference to the society………

Usually when I am under stress and have to formulate a plan of attack, I turn to the God I have and find meaning in his words and try to act as he would!! Hence, I turned to the vanquisher of evil, the savior of the downtrodden, destroyer of the asuras and the champion of the pious minded, a friend of the proletariat and a fiend of the bourgeoisie for guidance!!!

No guys, I am not talking about Lord Indra or Vishnu or Shiva guys, I am talking about Lord “Super Star Rajnikant”!!!! And I decided to follow his words to the T!!!

The very first thing that came to my mind was his mega super duper hit “Shivaji”. In his single handed fight against anti-social elements and corruption, in a scene, he had to decide on whether he had to take the “Singha Pathai” (Lion’s path) or the “Poo Pathai” (Flower path) to fight evil by tossing a coin and yes, he takes the “Singha Pathai”……….
But first, I needed the Rajni entry music......... for the energy!!



Since I did not have a rupee coin with me at that time, I did not toss the coin but I hardened myself for the battle that would follow, later on in the casino!!! Being an avid fan of the super star, I had learnt another thing as well. The main requisites for a good outing in anything you do are:
1. A grand entrance.
2. A punch dialogue.

Hence, for the “Grand Entrance Part” guidance, I turned to the opening act of Super Star Rajnikant in his avatar as an engineering student (in the first half) in his greatest movie ever… “Padayappa”!!! Where he single handedly fights the demons that plague humanity.


Well, carrying a snake into the casino and hitting somebody, though which would qualify as a “Grand Entrance”, would also definitely get me thrown out of the casino, so I decided to adopt a much more subtle approach and just make do with the punch dialogue.
In Tamil folk lore, a punch dialogue is a dialogue which will have the audience in raptures; claps and whistles would automatically follow and many actors are experts in delivering such dialogues. Hence I again turned to The Super Star for counsel.

ST and FR insisted that they would also accompany me on my mission to make money, but I would not have any of them with me on this mission as the Super Star has specifically delivered a punch dialogue in his film “Shivaji” that says “Kanna, Panninga Dhaan Kuttama Varum, Singam Single-a Dhaan Varum” (Small boy, only pigs move around in groups. A lion will always walk alone).



And hence by around 10, I found myself in the casino area. I tried playing all the games; the roulette, the wheel of fortune and even the slot machines and even blackjack again but the only certain outcome in all of them was that I lost money continuously!!!! But I took heart from the Super Star as he had fought multiple people all at once and come out victorious as in his film “Chandramukhi”


By around 4 in the evening, when we had to make our way back to Los Angeles, I had lost an additional 150 dollars!!!!! And I felt really bad that my Super Star had let me down!!!
“How could that be”, I asked myself. How can the Super Star let me down? I did not know and I was feeling really bad and that was when the truth struck home.

Super Star, who also believes in generously giving people advice, has also counseled in his Mega Hit “Padayappa”, that “Adigama aasapadera ambalayum, Adigama Koovapadarae pomballaeyum, nalla vyandadha saritaramae ella” (Guys who are greedy and girls who get angry easily do not live a good life)!!!


(View clip from time 1:15)
And I felt happy that my Hero, Super Star wanted me to learn this lesson in life and hence made me go thru all this!!!

If I think back on the trip now, the only things I did were:
1. Lose money, thus contributing to the management fund of the casino.
2. Eat a lot, thus contributing to the weight management fund of my body.
3. Burn perfectly good 40 gallons of petrol, thus contributing to the destruction of the world!!

But I had learnt a valuable lesson, a lesson that was worth 250 dollars…..one that I would not forget anytime now!!!! And I thank my Super Star for guiding me and pointing out the realities of life!! And FR did have the last laugh.....

PS: No one is allowed to make fun of the Super Star, atleast not in this blog!!!!!

Naan oru tharava sonna, nuuru tharava sonna madiri (Tamil)
Mera ek baar bolna, sau baar bolne ke barabar hai (Hindi)
Nyaan oru prashyam parangyyal, nuuru prashyam parangyathu polae annu (Malayalam)
Nenu okka saari cheptae vanda saarlu cheppinatte (Telugu)

Akkare VI: The Vegas Trip: Part Two

Part One: Learn about how FR convinced OG to organize the Vegas Trip; know more about the “Fellowship of Suffer-Ring” and on how they reached Vegas at around noon.
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The bright neon lights stretched over the whole expanse and the place was teeming with people. As we drove to our hotel South Point, a decent modest hotel/casino about 2 miles away from the “Vegas Strip”, we could see the ultra large casinos, the thin and tall “Stratosphere” and it felt great to be in the “Sin City” and even FR managed to remain quiet (which never happens)!!!!

My initial reaction on seeing the hotel was “WTF”!!!!
I was here on a selfless mission to save the American economy and solve problems of galactic proportion that plagued it but by what I saw there; it did not require any saving!!! The hotel lobby was crowded with drunken people walking all over the place with their big bottles (of every shape and size) and the casino was full of people gambling, totally oblivious to the outside world. In other words, business seemed to go on as usual.

The check-in queue in my hotel was long and serpentine and it took a good 20 mins for us to reach the receptionist. Now came the part, I always love and I got ready to play the “Name-Game” as I had misplaced the reservation print-out (trust me with things).

“Hi, we have reservations for the weekend”, I told her with my charming John Wayne accent.
“Can I have your name, Sir”, quipped the beautiful hot receptionist.
“My name is A-J-I-T R-A-J-S-H-E-K-A-R”, I said still holding on to that John Wayne accent, praying that she would get it.
But that did not make the mark for her and I was kindly requested to repeat my name again. Since I do brilliant voice-overs of a lot of actors; I tried a few accents as shown below.

And finally, after a few minutes of haggling over my name which got mutilated beyond recognition and also had an emergency sex change operation performed on it (all thanks to her), I had a “EUREKA” moment and I wrote my name down on a piece of paper all in caps!!! And the rest of the check in process was smooth as I only had to reply with a “Yes” or a “No” or a grunt.
However, she did seem to take a liking to my credit card!!!

And at last, after a short break, the members of the “Fellowship of the Suffer-Ring” were ready to burn the streets and enjoy the Vegas experience and FR was in his elements by then.

Under normal circumstances, tourists generally follow a specific routine when in Vegas for the weekend. If condensed into a brochure, it would consist entirely of 7 points:

1. Walk on the Vegas Strip and watch all the free road side shows.
2. Visit all the major casinos on it.
3. Visit the Freemont Street (Vegas Downtown).
4. Take photos left right and center in various poses, thus proving to the world that they were there.
5. Do a lot of window shopping if you are a girl (some guys as well).
6. Drink a lot of alcohol.
7. Gamble away into the night and always blame alcohol for the financial damage the next morning.

But, apparently FR had not read that script and the very first thing he said was, “Guys, let us go to Hoover Dam” (which is a good 40 miles from Vegas).
If there was a guardian angel watching over Vegas, she would have spooked him at that very moment for his blasphemy!!!!! But since, he was a feeling “Fine in the pink”, we read him out, our version of the Miranda Warning and vetoed his silly idea.

We then headed straight for the Wynn Casino which had been newly constructed and is said to be a marvel. Well, if you ask me, it looked like a big Chocolate cake.

Thanks to the girls, we had to patiently endure multiple rounds of window shopping. Ms. NM made it a point to visit every store in the mall and she did not buy a single thing!!! And just to irritate us, she took that extra longer in every store. ST, FR and I had to suffer multiple levels of Yoga Nidra as we almost went to sleep. Finally when that exercise was done with, we stepped into the “Sacred Hallowed Chambers” of the casino to gamble!!!!

First of all, I would like to state that I am a good gambler. I don’t get overawed by pressure situations and I think that I also possess a cool and collected mind which has come in handy multiple times in college where I have had to stop fights and copy my exam papers. Since, I have watched the film “21” many times and played Blackjack on a mobile phone, I thought that I had a pretty good chance to make money and run thru the Wynn Management Fund!!

So, I found a table which had 3 others in it and exchanged a hundred dollars for chips. Yeah, I told myself that I should start with a hundred, take it easy and gave myself 2 hours to convert that into a thousand. If you guys do not know the rules of Blackjack, it is very simple.

1. The player only plays against the dealer even though there may be multiple people in the table.
2. The person who gets the highest score below 22 wins (you against dealer).
3. It is all probability and luck.

Well, it did not turn out to be that simple an affair. The dealer was a Japanese dude, who looked like he had come in, straight from a movie set. He had a thin long nose with those sharp expressive eyes and he greeted me with a big smile when I sat down to play.
I placed an initial bet of 5 dollars and the dealer gave us our cards. The card count for me came out to be 18 and I was pretty confident that I would win. The dealer opened his cards and his card count came up to be 19 and he took my money. That was sheer bad luck!!! The same thing happened a second and a third time and I recalled Ian Fleming's words at that moment:

"Once, coincidence.... Twice Happenstance... Trice Enemy Action....." and from there on, I immersed myself completely into the game.

Very soon, I noticed that a trend had developed. The game seemed to follow a single disturbing trend and that made me uncomfortable.

Pretty soon, in about 15 minutes, those 100 dollars seemed to vanish into thin air!!!! And what made things worse was that the Japanese dealer dude, felt sorry for me, every single time I lost!!!! And finally in about 20 minutes, I was left with a big ZERO and I had to make an unceremonious exit from the table!!!! And I felt bad that I had wasted a hundred dollars……:P

The only redeeming factor about the whole thing was that my other friends had also lost money!!!! LOL!!! And thus, Saturday came to close with all of us losing money except FR who did not gamble (very cowardly of him I say). As I went to sleep, I took a oath that I would make that money back the next day (Sunday) using any trick that i could!!!!

"Final" part 3 coming up next.... (It seems that I am suffering from Indyeahism)

Akkare VI: The Vegas Trip: Part Onnu

It all started with this line: “Aliya, namakku Vegassu pogam” (Dude, let us go to Vegas) and pretty soon, we were all subjected to the same litany, over a thousand times and a mortal of lesser strength would have fallen ill with an acute case of mental depression.

This is another story in my American chronicles!!! Mr. FR (of the “Egg-scapades” and the “Proud Heretic” fame) will also feature prominently in this post.

FR, a very close friend has to get back to India next week and he wanted to end his trip here memorably. And so, he pestered us, the whole of last week to arrange a Vegas trip. For special characteristics and idiosyncrasies of the species, known as the “Humanalamp-postien”, (a sub species of the Homo sapien) please refer to the above mentioned links. I personally believe that it is Gods attempt to create the next generation Human and since, the almighty is in his experimental phase, we refrain from interfering with his work and we always let FR remain FR.

Coming back to the story, I did not want to go to Vegas! Coz I have been there and seen it and it is a place where your inner voice valiantly wages and always loses a war against your inner vice.
People generally can make you do something they want, by a few methods:
1. Request you to accompany them on the journey, so finally you accept out of sheer respect.
2. Keep asking, re-asking, whining, pleading, and begging the whole time, so finally you accept out of sheer irritation.
3. Become emotional, act as if they are deeply hurt, and commit achyachar, so finally you accept out of sheer sympathy.
4. Threaten you with a slow and painful death if you do not agree with what they say, and so finally you accept out of sheer fear.

Apparently FR had mastered the art of acting and subterfuge and with dedicated efforts of 1, 2, 3 and 4 he convinced us about the benefits of going to Vegas. Since FR is a software engineer, his arguments seemed to run like this over and over again like a broken record:


Apart from FR, I also had another noble selfless reason to go to Vegas. The main reason that tipped the scales in going to Vegas was the economy. We all know about the recession and how many people are suffering and so, me being a global citizen, decided (in the spur of the moment) that I had to do something to boost the economy of America. So, being the magnanimous OG, with lofty ideals, I seconded FRs plan to waste money in Vegas!!

We also convinced 3 others to accompany us on the grand yatra and called ourselves “The Fellowship of the Suffer-Ring”!!!!! (Yeah, we had to suffer FR for 2 days).

The starting signs were ominous indeed!! The big 5-seater car that we had booked from Enterprise rental was not available on Saturday. Hence we had to settle for a small 5-seater. While all the others were busy cursing their luck, I realized the inherent advantage that I had being fat (comparatively). For the first time in my life, my physical attributes helped me and I got the front seat for the whole journey!!! And FR was relegated to the back seat even though he had legs that stretch a mile!!!!

We then decided to entrust our lives and limbs in the hands of Mr. ST, who was our driver, as apparently he suffers from a disease called “Pillionophobia” where the person, come hell or high water, always had to drive and does not trust the driving of others. After a hearty breakfast of lemon rice and potato fry, we started on the 4 hour drive to Vegas and that was some drive!!

The trip itself was semi - brilliant. We got to see breathtaking mountains, long perfect roads and the traffic was not that bad and the weather was perfect which made for the perfect settings for a great trip. But there was a small snag in the whole setup and that was FR. Since I was in the front seat, I was declared to be the DJ for the trip.

Mr. FR, the eternal romantic, insisted that we play old mallu songs of the 80’s and 90’s and that did not go down well with the others. Mr. ST wanted me to play hip hop songs where I could understand only the curse words that they use. So literally speaking, I was in a fix!!!

FR also had another irritating trait. Just like a dog that puts its head out of the window, he insisted that we roll down our windows when traveling on the expressway and the girls in our gang had a problem with that coz they said that it ruined their makeup!!

And so, after an eventful four hour ride (where I saw a road called “Zzyzx Road”), we managed to see the skyline of Vegas, the large oversized casinos, the rich lights, the glamor and I felt the gambler in me, awaken!!!!

More in part two……………….
(And my deepest apologies to FR)

The Song that Spawned a New Mallu Generation!!!

Ganamela (Malayalam): Live Musical Concert (English)
Vellam (Malayalam): Water/Alcohol (English)

Exactly 34 years back, the average mallu was like the proverbial frog in a well. As the saying goes, ignorance was bliss for him. He lived comfortably in the sylvan, mountainous settings of Kerala, spent hours tying and untying his lungi, drank a lot of Tea and kallu, applied coconut oil on his long mustache and beard, smoked beedis and listened to old folk musikku and melodious songs.

But in 1975, an epoch making year, a film called “Sindhu” was released and in it, there was a song called “Chettikulangara Barani nallil” which made a statement. The statement was simple and it redefined the meaning of the word “COOL”.
It told the average mallu that life exists beyond wearing a lungi, told him that Ganamelas can also mean pop music and that kallu can be replaced by double malt whisky.

Circa 1965, pre-Sindhu:
A ganamela meant only one thing. Vellam, vellam and more vellam and the average mallu was adept at multitasking. What I mean is that he also found time to dance, to tie and untie his lungi, to drink large quantities of alcohol and to pick up a couple of fights along the way as well.

Circa 1965, post-Sindhu:
As I said, the word “cool” was redefined. A ganamela also meant sitting in an orderly fashion, dressed in a fashionable suit, and appreciating the singer at the end of every performance. If 1967 was the summer of love for the Americans, then 1975 was the genesis of the hippie culture in Kerala.

Thus, ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, that SONG. There are a few characters in this video and if you watch keenly, there are a few parallels to life as well.

The Soulless Saxophobian:


The greatest tragedy in this song is this gentleman. He has a poignant expression which kills the mood of the song, and an expression which shouts, “Endhoru Komali dress aanadae. Nyaan evadae endhina?” (What a stupid costume. Why am I here?). The expression, it is also said to have inspired Mamootty in his soul stirring performance in the film “Danny”. What this person stands for is the inertia to change that we all have.

The Daridhravasian:

The greatest performer in this video is this gentleman. A person like this gives hope; hope that we can all be the star performer even if we do not get to be the Hero. Please note the ease with which he dances and the passion as well. What he tells us is that, we can all be heroes even if destiny wants us to be the underdog!!!

The Peddallu-shakian:

The lead guitarist redefined the use of the guitar. It was only in 1975 that the world realized that “musikku” can also be played by heavily shaking the neck and shoulders and by not actually using the guitar. This person is also said to have inspired Kurt Kobain in his “musikku” video “Smells like teen spirit”. What this person tells us is that, ignorance in using a technology or a tool is not a handicap, as long as you know how to fake it!!!

The passionless drummer:

Shivamani is said to be inspired by this drummer!! What this guy tells us is that, a smile can solve any problem!!!!

The Suit-wearing Hero:

And finally, there has to be a Hero in every story. No, this is not Hitler in his "Heil Hitler" pose but this is Prem Nazir in his "Hey Swashbukler" pose!!! What this tells us is that, a Hero can always be a Hero; no matter how poor his performance is, as long as he has his reputation to back him up!!!

This amazing, hilarious, fun filled, fantastic, diabolic video can be viewed in this link. Please view the clip, if you are not a mallu..... (mallus are also welcome to view the clip again)... :)

and thus, Ladies and Gentlemen, the average mallu found nirvana.......

Religion in Kerala

I am doing this post thanks to Indyeah!!

Let me get the disclaimer out first!!I am, by no means an expert on religion. I know very little about organized religion,But I can talk about the functioning of the Human heart and mind.

I am not going to talk about the church scandals or things that I have heard on the news,But I am going to talk about my experiences with Religion in Kerala. Every state has its share of agnostics, atheist and Hardliners.This article is mainly about the hardliners. This is a candid post and if your religious sentiments are hurt, then that would make you a fundamentalist...:)

Let me start with the Christians. I absolutely love their way of life in Kerala and I love Easter and Christmas. There are so many sects in Kerala and a few are disliked by the Vatican as well. Apart from the food, the main reason why I like Christianity is the importance given to family, church and society and education. But something I get the feeling that people go “out of the way” to ensure that people get to know of their faith!!When I was in college, there “was” this friend of mine, let me call him Mr. X. X was educated in the north all his life and came to our college for his engineering and when he joined college, he was an agnostic, but somewhere, somehow things went wrong with him. A personal tragedy made him bitter and at that moment, thanks to another person Mr. Y, he got converted to the “Charismatic Pentecostal” movement and as any new convert; he went about spreading their message all across college and Trivandrum with a passion and he did manage to convert quite a few people in those four years.

At that time, I did notice a pattern in his approach. He always targeted people who were likely to be converted i.e. weak, feeble minded people and some of the methods he used bordered on stupidity like inviting a “susceptible candidate” for lunch and taking him to the “church meeting with lunch”!!!! I swear that I am not joking.

In my final year of engineering, we once had a one on one talk on religion for a good 4 hours (train journey from Cochin to Trivandrum) and some of things that he said were just insane and my arguments were useless coz he was so deeply convinced in the bible, about Adam and Eve and about everything!!!! He even wasted a few hours; in trying to get me see the Light!!!! (Poor him).

Some people have a habit of treating conversion like a “Marketing Study” and Mr. X did walk around like he had a target to meet every month!!! There have been other incidents as well. People have openly distributed flyers, stating that “Their Sect” can help you attain God and other religions are false (which I find so stupid). It has happened in the past and it will happen in the future. There is this half Indian (father from Kerala and mom from Japan) stand up comedian in the US called “Dan Ninan”.

In one of his shows, he very clearly states, “My father is from Kerala and we have around 20 millions Christians there. In the next ten years, there will be 500 millions Christians there”. (view link from time:- 0:55)

And what was irritating, was that people cheered him on when he said that. Last year, in a train journey from Cochin to Mumbai, I met another Malayalee and once we got talking, I asked him if he would be going back home for Onam. This reply was short and simple.

“Ella…Onam namakku ella” (No… we don’t have Onam) and he gave me his “Christian Name”. I wanted to tell that him, that festivals are for all but the words, did not come out at that time.

Now let us move on to the Muslims. I simply love their Kerala style biriyani and ney chooru (ghee rice) and Ramzan is one of my favorite festivals thanks to the food!!! We had an Islamic centre near our college and the hostel warden was a professor in our college. Many of the Muslim students, stayed in that hostel and many did not. One of my close friends, Mr. P stayed in that hostel thanks to his religious parents!! Mr. P was an easy going chap and was interested in having a good life, watching movies, listening to music and he also liked to have a drink once in a while. Unfortunately for him, such things were frowned down upon in his hostel and many of his hostel-mates tried to change him by telling him that his lifestyle was against Islam. Many of the arguments were stupid and childish, is all I have to say.

Now let us move on to the professor. He openly favored the Muslims and finally in my fourth year, was severely warned by the education board!! My friend, Mr. P always had a hard time with that professor coz he was not “religious” as per that professor!!!! That was the sad state of affairs. Do people have to prove their religion by doing namaz 5 times a day and by not listening to music? I don’t think so!!! The Islamic centre for me represented the very problem that plagues our society!!!I have another friend Mr. D. Mr. D was educated all his life in the gulf and came to my college for his engineering. He was a brilliant student, had a modern outlook and he did not know a thing about his religion Islam. But unfortunately, by the fourth year, thanks to some systematic brain washing, he turned into a shadow of his former self and abstained from everything including music and movies, and I feel hurt every single time, I see him.The extreme northern part of Kerala (Malappuram, Kasargode) is synonymous with “Hindu-Muslim” hate riots. Few years back, people openly hoisted the Pakistan Flag in the city center in Malappuram when Pakistan won a cricket match and that led to a bloody battle between the Hindus and the Muslims and my friend from that place, still talks about it, about the violence.

Let me move on to my “Culture” Hinduism. For a religion that does not have any boundaries, it has its fair share of religious distortions and it has its fair share of fake Swamis, and I have not gone anywhere near them. Thankfully caste does not play an important role in modern day Kerala thanks to the efforts of countless people. But unfortunately, some people still live in a time warp and once, one person from my caste openly criticized me for being a blot on the caste. Since I am not going to tell you about my caste, we will leave it at that!!!!

But I would like to talk about Sabarimala. For a temple that rakes in millions, it has done very little for the pilgrims and it has done very little for the people with that money. My Uncle, Mr. Q is a very religious person, who after taking voluntary retirement runs an ashram in Chennai. Mr. Q has traveled to Sabarimala for the past 35 years (without fail) and I love accompanying him on the pilgrimage from Erumeli to Sabarimala. He also serves in the Akhila Bharatiya Ayyapa Seva Sangam, an organization which helps to provide food and water and other facilities to the pilgrims on the trek. Five years back, when I was involved in such activities, I was struck by the chaos around. All the facilities provided were meager and outdated (technology wise) but the people went about happily doing their duty. We still had to walk long distances to get food and water on the mountains.

The other grouse that I have with them is that they do not allow women. Yeah, we all know about the tradition about how Ayyappa is a bachelor, but some rules have just got to change is what I believe coz modern societies need to be governed by a common rule, not old traditions.I also will never ingratiate with the RSS and ABVP boyz. I have had ample opportunities to see them in action, thanks to my college, where student politics was everything.

There are also people from all other religions in Kerala. The Sikhs, Jains and the Buddists go about their business and the Cochin Jews still dream of going to Israel!!!!

Edited to Add: I would like other bloggers who are interested, in doing a post on their "personal" experiences with Religion in their home state.

Akkare V: Driving here in America

This weekend was great fun! My friend, the illustrious, inimitable Mr. DPS, my college roommate for four years had come down from Chicago to LA. For public safety reasons, I am not giving you his full name which is longer than the Nile!!

And it was only during this week, did I realize that I have not done a post on driving here in America. Driving here is so different than from India. At times, it feels good and at times, it gets boring. Most of the cars here are automatic and a real car aficionado like me would not like it. I like manual transmission cars which give the driver a lot more control and flexibility while driving, but as I found out this weekend, Automatic transmission cars are a boon for people like my friend DPS who has just “Earned” his driving license.

Mr. DPS is a peculiar person or in other words, a quintessential arse! While sense rules the world, nonsense rules his world and I have now discovered that his limbs do not listen to his brain.
For example, when common sense would clearly state that he should slow down, his leg would press the accelerator and when his common sense might rule that 45 mph is a tad too slow on the expressway; his leg would press the brake. When we ask him to take the “right” lane, his arms would interpret that as “left” and vice versa.
According to him, driving on the right side of the road is the problem and not his sense of direction.
That ladies and gentlemen, is Mr. DPS for you in a nutshell; a person who will never accept his mistakes, as silly as they may be.

We had a grant time pulling his leg this weekend, and we had a harder time when it came to him driving. Since he had just received his license two weeks back, he was all geared up to drive and would not let any of us touch the steering wheel and it was Hilarious with a capital “H” (yeah we had insurance on the car)….

In the normal universe, driving might be something like this:
But in DPS’s parallel universe, the experience was totally different:
As you can all see, it took all of five mortals to drive the compact sized car and DPS would refuse to give us the key either. So we were caught between 100 % chance of DPS whining and a 50 % chance of going to the hospital and we chose the latter.

These Americans came with up with a rule long back, that all cars need to follow lane discipline and people generally don’t cut across lanes like we Indians do but as usual DPS was above the law. He cut across lanes without giving prior warning, drove in between two lanes; made an old lady cry and scowled when given advice. He also managed to drive on the left side of the road once and when we gently reminded him that it was not India, he followed that up with a smile as if to tell us that he meant to do it.

The driver also does not exactly inspire confidence when he asks questions like these:

1. “Can I change the lane now? Is it all clear behind?”
2. ”Can I drive at 100 mph (with a stupid grin)”
3. “What kind of signal system is this? I cannot understand it”
4. “How do I put the car into reverse?”
5. “What is this? Referring to the dim light button”
6. “Can I take a U-turn here?”

So, Ladies and Gentlemen, I am charmingly surprised that we escaped without a scratch or a dent even though we must have had a thousand curses hurled at us!!!!
And I leave you all with this photo of mine taken during this weekend (hollywood mountain):

Those Probing Flames

“What can we do, Raja”, stammered Pandian. That outburst came from a frustrated soul.

The question was answered by a defiant glare because Raja did not know the answer, but the people in the group never doubted Raja’s view on the subject because his eyes were alive with a rage, with a passion and the spider veins on his face throbbed in a violent manner.

All the people in the group were journalists in leading Tamil papers and all of them had met up to discuss an important issue. They believed in the cause of the Sri Lankan Tamils and they all wanted the Lankan government to stop the genocide.
The dark settings along with the acrid cigarette fumes gave the room a sinister look and the somber, melancholic expressions of all the people did not help either. Raja was the person who had organized this meeting in the hope that they could come up with something concrete on the issue but the answer managed to elude them even after hours of debating.

With a heavy heart, Raja concluded, “I believe that our state government is doing what it can in this situation but unfortunately help is not forthcoming from our centre. We have tried everything here in Tamil Nadu, organized protests, called for hartals, written a lot on this in our papers, but alas nothing had happened so far”.

He looked around the room, noting the expression of every single person and with all seriousness continued, “We need to do something that will send shock waves that will rock and invoke the humanity in each one of us; waves that can be heard in faraway Delhi as well”.

He noted with satisfaction, as the tired eyes in the room lit up with curiosity and he felt the flicker of hope rejuvenate the whole room. His close friends knew that he was a man of very few words and that he usually backed his words with actions.

“So what is the plan?” they all cried in union.
“You will all see that tomorrow”, concluded Raja and his face hardly betrayed any emotion.

Raja could not sleep the whole night and he got up early the next morning and wrote his four page manifesto. He wrote his heart out, wrote all what he wanted. He was a pragmatist, but now, he threw all caution to the wind and wrote about peace and equality; mere words that he knew were just a dream. He wrote about his cause; things that he felt deeply about; things that would never be achieved in a hundred year coz he knew that he did not live in a Utopian society. With an idealistic smile, that resembled a sneer, he signed and dated the letter and placed it on his desk.
He looked at the clock and since it was eight, he made his way to the Shastri Bhavan in Nungambakkam. During the bus journey that lasted an hour, he had time to reflect on his decision. He knew that the path that he had chosen was irrevocable and not a good one but that one hour ride gave him time to calm his nerves.

Finally after a nerve wrecking hour, he found himself in front of the Shastri Bhavan at nine. The place was teeming with people who went about their daily life and he wanted to laugh at all of them; tell them that everything they knew was a lie and an illusion.

When the time was right, he bellowed a few slogans in support of the Sri Lankan Tamils so that people would take notice and doused himself with kerosene. He saw everything in slow motion and felt the stares of a hundred people. With a short prayer to Lord Murugan, he torched himself with a lighter and started laughing. Even though he could see the red flames all around him, he did not feel the pain as he was beyond physical sensation.

This was his way of making a difference; a difference to the society that he lived in; a difference to the society that he was going to die for and in his last sane moments, he felt at peace with the world..........

PS: Links: self-immolation . but why?

Akkare IV: The Irritating NRI

I don't know what to say and this is a a rant........

There are times, when I like meeting people of Indian origin here in America and there are times, when I hate them a well.

The main problem with these NRIs is that they live in a time warp and the India that they "knew" is not the India of today.

After a beautiful brunch today, I unfortunately had the "Bhagyam" (good luck) to meet an NRI who had only bad things to say about India and I had to exercise all my self control to keep my mouth shut.

He complained about anything and everything...................

What do I tell such people..... Please HELP!!!!!!

Akkare III: I can taak, waak and laaf English!!!

In the legendary words of Mohanlal, I declare, “I am the answer! I am the answer! Kilometers and kilometers, in these days of degenerating decency of Miami beach to Washington when diplomacy and supercity become interchangeable from complicated America to America”.

Did you get it? I most certainly did not!!! But unfortunately, my English has corroded to something like that now here in America.

At various stages in my life, I have been reduced to using primitive hand signals to communicate!! When I was very young, my parents tell me that it took an extraordinary time for me to speak and that they were worried for some time. In my defense, I have to say that I have always been bad at Tamil! At various other stages in my life, I have faced a similar situation and I have exercised my limbs a lot!!! But I never thought that I would face a problem with English!!! But I have been proven wrong by these (illiterate) Amerikans!!

English is truly a global language. We all know it, but unfortunately some lunatic (long back), decided that English should be spoken with a different accent here which makes life really difficult for us: THE DESI CROWD.

It was only after coming over here, did I realize that the “American Accent” (in Los Angeles) can be broadly classified into:
1. Normal American Accent.
2. Afro American Accent.
3. Mexican Accent.
4. Chinese Accent
5. Desi Accent
And I have nightmares in my sleep due to this. Often I have to repeat myself atleast 4 times to get my point across and I dread going through a “drive thru” coz I have to place my order through a microphone and I end up having a apoplexy every single time.

When I say “No Meat”, the other person invariably understands it as “More beef”!!! (I am a veggie until Nov 14th 2009).
The whites are pretty easy to handle. They understand you and you understand them and life is simple. We just need to decrease the delivery speed and life goes on normally. But I get lost, when I need to speak to the Mexicans.
You cannot throw a stone here in LA without hitting a Mexican; The same way you cannot throw a dime here without an Indian jumping to catch it!

The “englais” that they speak is 99 % Spanish peppered with a few words of English and the “Englishu” that I speak is with a thick mallu accent. So what happens when we interact???
Absolutely NOTHING!!
Very often, after a 100 retrials, when people in the queue behind me get fidgety, I start communicating in the most primitive language form known to man. I point to the dish that I want and I get my order!!

All said and done, there are two accents that I love here. The first one is the Texas drawl and the second is the Afro American accent. They are just great! These people just don’t speak, they take passion in speaking. I suppose that it is because of a inner talent that they have for singing, but the sentence just keeps going on and on and on……… but it comes out all wrong when I try to match them!!!

And thus, the life of this ordinary guy meanders along with many such roadblocks. I have practiced my “American Accent” a lot, but nothing seems to have worked so far but I will keep trying.

Hell, I have tried everything; I have tried speaking with a nasal accent, I have tried modulating the word flow, I have tried restricting my trachea, have tried fine tuning my larynx, have tried speaking with a big julab jamun in my mouth, have tried spitting the words out of my mouth and I have even tried meditation and yoga!! But I have been defeated every single time.

Before my first trip to America in 2007, my uncle advised me to not get the American accent, and I jokingly retorted that I would never lose my mallu accent and we had a good laugh at that time.
It is me who is crying now......

PS: The above dialogue is from a film called “Mazha Peyyunnu, Maddalam Kottunnu” and it is a laugh riot. This must watch dialog can be viewed in this link in which other people think that Mohanlal is a "From US returnee" and he plays along with them.

Renu's Tag

Renu had tagged me on “Holding Hands” and she was not happy with my earlier piece on the same. So here we go again!

The quotidian beats that rule the universe shall always beat with the same detached ardor.
The earth will always rotate around the Sun; the seasons will always keep changing; day will be followed by night and vice versa and this cycle will go on indefinitely (till doomsday).
A true Sanyasi might say that death is nothing but a habit of the body. A young child is totally oblivious to the “word” but the people who get affected by it are normal people like you and me. We all know that it is all finally dust to dust and ashes to ashes but something keeps us alive in our lives; something that eggs us on to achieve things; something that makes us smile and cry.

I say that we find meaning in life only because of a generous dose of emotion and passion and one of the most important ways we express our feelings is by holding hands or by bear hugging each other.

In my limited experience in this particular journey called life, I can say that there is not a more powerful expression of self. No words need to be spoken, no emoting is required when we hold our loved one's hand whether it be parents, relatives or friends.
From my earliest memories, this is one thing that has always stood out. As a young kid, I used to be filled with warmth, a confidence that someone is looking after me and all fears vanish when that happened.
I can also say that the emotions and feelings which arise on holding hands change as one grows up, but that is the beauty of it. When I go back home to Chennai to meet my family after a long time, the first thing that we all do is hug. That is the beauty of the whole thing.

There is actually not much I can say on this subject except that Man/Woman is a social animal and he/she needs the acceptance and love of the society for sustenance of his/her soul and mere words are just not enough to keep the soul happy and the heart light…………

There occurred a certain incident in my life long back due to which I thought that “showing emotions” was bad and decided that I needed to be stoic and be Spartan in my emotions, but it was only when I grew up did I realize that it is all wrong. The power of touch and emotions is something that I simply cannot describe, but we all need it. If we try to hide it, the dam that holds it will eventually break………………(as it did in my case).

The archaic meaning of the word “Passion” is: The sufferings of a martyr.

If we think about it, we are all martyrs in life. We always sacrifice something for someone or someone for something and that passion is made stronger by the power of Touch!!!!!!!!!!!
I tag Chirag, Vimmuuu, Aathira, Ajith and Bones.

PS: I am sorry Renu. I do not think that I have done justice to the Tag, but this is a subject that I cannot write much about.......

Akkare II: "The Amerikan Loco Room Experience" and a Tag

Renu has tagged me on this; on my thoughts on “Holding Hands”.
I had a revelation last week, and this tag is also timely. Hence I have changed the rules of the Tag to accommodate my thoughts!!! Sorry Renu!!!

Since my project got over last week, I have had an abundance of Time and I needed to do something about it.
Hence, after a lot of self introspection, I decided to waste two important things: Time and Money.
I decided to join the local gym in the vain hope that I would turn into the next Arnold Shivasankara Panicker in three months!!!

The guided tour that they had was awesome. They showcased all the machines that they had, showed me the swimming pool (which I never use), the Sauna (too hot for me) and the Jacuzzi (always crowded), the Boot Camp classes (which I will never join) and the gym was also full of people with great bodies, and so by the end of the tour, I knew that I had to join this gym. The only glitch in the whole process was the fee which was a tad too high but the receptionist made things easy with her smile!!

In other words, all I can say is that in front of her dazzling, immaculate (manicured LOL) denture set, my tongue refused to twist and my brain responded only after I had had my card swiped!!! In my defense, I suppose any portly ordinary guy who is overweight by 10 kilos would have done the same thing.
I did not even haggle over the price like a good Indian; shame on me!!

Things got interesting only after this. I managed to huff and puff my way through ten minutes on the treadmill and checked my weight. The weighing machines that they have here are complicated contraptions and their sole purpose in life is to confuse you and give you the wrong weight. After the ten minute jog/walk, my weight seemed to have gone up by 3 pounds!!

And thus, when this dejected ordinary guy made his way into the locker room for some respite, he was greeted by the sight of a hundred you-know-what’s!!!
Let me first tell you guys, that I have seen a few locker rooms in my life but no locker room in India would prepare you for the “Amerikan Loco Room Experience” (as I fondly call it).

When I overcame that initial shock, I came to the conclusion that either:
1. My Amerikan brothers took pride in flaunting their masculinity at everyone else!!
2. The locker room door acted a portkey, which transported me into Zimbabwe where the cost of a single underwear can run into millions!!!

The second option however seemed improbable and hence, I realized that it must be the first.

Hence I had to move around with both my modesty and my eyes covered!!!!
But coming back to the question, how is this related to the Tag on “Holding hands”????

The thing which I very simply cannot understand is that my brothers here, don’t have a problem, or in other words, don’t feel that their sexuality is under question when they walk around naked in the locker room, but they take the deepest offence if there is the slightest physical contact between them.

I just cannot get it!!!!!! Amerikans, please have similar standards, or even better, have Indian Standards, where we might put an arm over a friends shoulder but we don’t walk around naked in front of strangers.............

This is just another passing thought in my “Amerikan Chronicles” and on this tag.

PS: I now have to buy myself an eyepatch.

The Gargantuan Wall

All the unusual activity on the antediluvian tracks that led to the wall reminded Mahalingam; it reminded him of an opportunity, a fortuity that he could not miss. It also reminded him of a past, a past that he could not get over.

For as long as he could remember, the mighty wall had always been a permanent fixture in his life. His world extended only up to that wall and he had lived his life happily as a young kid amidst the rustic settings. The wall contained memories, memories of his entire life as it had watched over him and his family. His mother, for his bedtime stories divulged to him the mighty tales of the Sangam Age and the fables of Raja Raja Cholan and he always thought that wall served as a fort to protect his section of the town.
As a young kid, by nature he was curious and he had always wanted to see as to what was on the other side of the wall. His parents told him stories of ghosts and devils which lurked on the other side and he did not muster the courage to actually scale it. When ever he accompanied his father to buy things from the market, the young kid noticed that all the shops had two tumblers and they were allowed to use only a single one but his young mind could not fathom the reason behind it.

As he grew older, his brain started grasping the things around him and the innocence that protected his delicate mind was lost gradually. He was the tallest in his age group and as that increased, so did the fecundity of his mind. By the time he was 14, he knew that the devils which lurked on the other side of the wall were in fact humans, humans just like him who belonged to much hated Thevar caste and that he was a Paraiyar. Even then, his young mind, which was at the doorstep of adulthood, could not apprehend the reason, the reason behind separating people based on a stupid reason.

As he grew older, as his mind grew sharper, he could make out all the hurt and the pain that his caste was put through all because of birth and he truly agreed with his dad that the people who lived on the other side of the wall were in fact devils!!

All that changed one fine bright day when he saw the tractor and the unusual activity around his town Uthapuram. A lot of people had come down from Chennai and the rumor which circulated around town was that they had come to destroy the wall. The whole town reeked of tension and the Thevars were totally against the decision of the government and they threatened to attack anyone.
Apart from tension, his ghetto also reeked of anticipation; in anticipation for what would be a joyous moment in their life’s and his gang spend the whole day watching, waiting as the government spent the whole day in negotiation with the Thevars.

Finally in the evening, the tractors engine was started up and the powerful machine shattered a section of the wall and the people in his ghetto started dancing in celebration, in celebration for what marked a joyous occasion for all of them. When he went back home later in the evening, he saw a smile on his mother’s face, a smile that told him that all was not lost for their cause and that as long as good Samaritans walk the earth, all evils can be vanquished!!

PS: If you guys do not know about this, then please read this link. A wall separated the dalits from the rest of the town in Uthapuram, Tamil Nadu and a section of it was demolished only on May 6th 2008.

Hitchwriter's Tag

I have been tagged by Hitchwriter and here are the rules:

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

Warning: This is absolutely random and will not be interesting coz my life is dull and boring.
So thus we start:

1. I need my morning “piping hot” Coffee or Tea (never lukewarm) as soon as I wake up. The gears in my brain refuse to mesh without this stimulant!! My mom tells me that when I was young, I put my foot down one day and refused to have anything other than Filter kaapi and thus have been addicted to caffeine ever since!!

2. I absolutely hate waiting. I just cannot wait in the bus stop and I get mad if the bus is late.

3. I am absolutely bad at languages. I know around 6 languages but I can never consider myself good in any of them (Tamil, Malayalam, Hindi, Telegu, Marathi, English).

4. I am a creature of habit. If I follow my routine, then this ordinary guy is happy in his little world.

5. The best compliment I have ever received was in my sixth standard in Chennai when my geography teacher told my parents that I know more than her!

6. I have this obsession with the vegetable, “Lady’s Finger”, or Vendakka as we call it down south. It was drilled into me at a young age that eating Vendakka is good for the brains and I have loads of it but it has never worked for me till now!!

7. I am complete foodie. I love food and I live to eat. There was a stage in my life when I used to have food 4-5 times a day. I can also proudly say that I can eat anything and everything. I tell people around me that, “Quantity is important, Quality is not” and I have an iron stomach which till now has digested everything, even food that has gone bad. (Touchwood).

8. People can be divided into two categories depending on how they react when they get angry. They either explode or implode. I implode with the power of a hydrogen bomb. When I get angry, it might not show on my face, but I implode and then get a headache.

9. The best days of my life were when I did my engineering. I lived with a monthly budget of 2300 Rupees and I am still amazed at the fun that we had. My semester fee was 600 Rs only!!! and I still cannot understand how people spend lakhs on getting a stupid engineering degree.

10. The four years of engineering were a blur, did not realize that until my final day at college. I was a proud “Royal Mech” (still am) and people and especially girls from other departments hated us because we thought that we owned the college.

11. Self realization that I was just another ordinary guy struck one fine day when I got caught for ragging in college and when I heard the principal and my HOD rubbish my character in front of my parents.

12. I have always been a rebel, a good rebel.

13. I can never cry. Many things move me in this world but never to the level of tears. Maybe it is a self defense mechanism but well, that is me.

14. I am mediocre in a lot of things. I have never been good at anything nor have I been bad.

15. I just have to visit and see people who I know. Talking over the phone is not good enough. Even if I go to my home town Chennai for the weekend, I spend all my non sleeping hours riding around town to visit all my friends and relatives.

16. I have had only a single major accident in my life till now. (Touchwood). It was on the last day of college and at three in the morning in the pouring rain, the bike rider, my best pal KJ managed to fall asleep!!! And I still have scars on my leg due to that accident. I can still vividly remember the scene. We were traveling at around 70 km/hr and we fell flat on the road. Both of us were drenched and I had to pick that idiot up who could not get up and drag him over the side!! The next day when I went back home, I told my parents that it was a football accident!!

17. I hate it when people talk about their religion or culture or language being the best.

18. I love football and table tennis.

19. There is only a single card game which I like playing and it is called “28” which is a rage in Kerala.

20. My favorite “movie star” will always be “Superstar Rajnikant”. I would like to see him act forever………………….

21. My favorite “movie actor” will always be Mohanlal. This ordinary guy thinks that there is not a better actor than him in India.

22. I am bad at remembering phone numbers, birthdays and names, but I cannot ever forget a face.

23. I love History; the history of the world, the history of humans and now thanks to wikipedia, I read a lot!

24. There are only a few people who call me “Ajit”. I have had so many nicknames that I have lost track of them. But the best one is by grandmother who calls me "A meat eating barbarian".....LOL yeah we are veggies back home.... :)

25. Finally I think that the weekend should have three days and not two!!!!

:) And thus, I have summarized my boring life in 25 points.
Almost every blogger I know has already been tagged, so I am tagging everyone who wants to do this Tag.

Akkare I : The Dharma Yuddham

The battle lines were drawn a month back. The venue of the Holy war was also decided by both parties and the conscript’s involved got time to mentally prepare themselves for the merciless killing that would ensue. The rules and regulations of the ‘Dharma Yuddham’ were listed out and signed by both parties and it was decided that any lax warrior would be fined heavily.

On the eve of the battle, the Pandavas had nothing more to do than twiddle their thumbs and look on in a nervous state. On the other side, the Kauravas were in full swing; in preparation for what would decide the fate of their universe. Both sides knew that it would be a long drawn out bloody affair.
The Pandavas were confident that they had the upper hand; as they had Krishna on their side and they also had some of the best technicians in their camp and they liked being constructive. They generally treated everyone else with insolence and they had the chutzpah to think that they were the best in the world much like the Samurais of yonder and thought that winning was their birthright. They believed in order and a general correctness in what they did.

The Kauravas on the other hand, breed and flourished on a feeling of fear much like the Ninjas of ancient Japan. They were a group of merciless Ronins and mercenaries who believed that it was birthright to ravage anything in their path. The Kauravas knew all along that it would a battle that they would lose eventually but their commander, in his inspiring speech called upon all the warriors to make the Pandavas pay dearly, make them pay so much that their victory would be pyrrhic. The Kauravas were also inspired by the Hashasins and the Kamikaze pilots of World War II. They prided themselves on being very destructive and also took pains to find out deceptive ways in which to fight. Guerilla warfare was a major pastime for many in that camp and some of them specialized in such random ad-hoc fights!! Their commander inspired a fierce passion much like Subutai the great Mongol, a rage that would blind the eyes of many including their prize fighter OG!!!

OG was born a Pandava but very soon he fell into disrepute as he could not live life by the code of honor, the code of Bushido and he joined up with the Kauravas as he felt that their cause was a just one!!! Some said that OG was a reincarnation of Karna himself. Some others said that OG reminded them of Achilles and the Kauravas took heart every single time they saw the handsome six foot towering war machine riding out with his Kavacha and Kundala!!!

And thus when the D-day arrived, both camps with their large armies arrived at Kalippupettipuram. The Pandavas had only 20 Akshauhinis with them and the Kauravas had 30.
On the first day, the Pandavas organized themselves in the classical hoplite formation, a formation preferred by the medieval Romans and the Spartans. The treacherous Kauravas with their larger army attacked from all sides and with cavalry thus ensuring utter chaos among the Pandavas!! The Pandavas bravely fought on but were no match for the superior in number, Kauravas and lost many sections of their army by the end of the day.

At the end of the first day, in the meeting, the Pandavas decided that they were not going to play fair any longer and complained that the Kauravas were cowards….

And thus the battle raged on for 16 more days with both the camps losing their resources steadily but neither of them gave up hope!! Over the course of those 17 days, the tide of the war turned towards the Pandavas gradually......

Tears, sweat and blood mixed freely on the battlefield and the vultures circling high above, watched the carnage with interest!! Those vultures had a feast every single night……….

At precisely midnight on the 17th night, all the commanders for the Pandavas got together for a conference and decided that they had to end the war the next day and Krishna came up with a brilliant plan to end the battle and wastage of resource!!!

And thus on the 18th day, the Pandavas arranged themselves in the classical Chakravyuha formation and the Kauravas did not know how to break thru (no they did not have Arjuna on their side) and were completely routed.

OG along with his commander and a few other warriors escaped into the mountains where they decided that they had to rebuild an army again and took heart from the myth of the spider and Robert the Bruce. In the important meeting that they had, they conceded that the Pandavas had defeated them convincingly and went about hatching their next despotic plan to upset the balance of the WORLD!!!! And the Pandavas knew that peace would reign in their land atleast for some time until the next war!!!

OG knew all along that his campaign would be doomed, but unlike Karna or Achilles, he came out of it alive!!! It is all Karma, reasoned OG!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen,
If you are wondering if this ordinary guy has gone insane, then let me tell you that my project has finally come to a close today!!!! YIPPPIEEEEE

Pandavas ==> Software Developers
Kauravas ==> Software Testers
OG ==> Ordinary Guy ==> ME
Vulture ==> Auditors
Akshauhini ==> Functionality
Kalippupettipuram ==> Kalippu petti ==> Problematic Box ==> Computer

Now reread the whole article, it should make more sense!!!! Especially for software engineers!! And for those who are not software engineers, let me tell you that the rivalry between developers and testers runs deep and both are keen on seeing the downfall of the other!!! We testers lose every single time (find no more defects), but we are happy that we lose coz the project gets its signoff only when we approve!!!

Akkare means "The other shore" and thus my American chronicles will be labeled Akkare from now on, thanks to Solilo!!!

Nadodikattu - IX : Another First!!!!

Finally after 25 years of this ordinary life, I have managed to see snow…….
It has been a cold week here but I never expected to see snow in Los Angeles, so I had to post this over here or in other words, record this moment!!!
The photos were taken from my office where a big mountain looms behind us!!!!

This ordinary guy thinks that life is all about these moments that we will remember till posterity………… (please click on pics to enlarge them)

So what should the next item be on the list of "To do" things???

This ordinary guy is thinking hard!!

Why Why Why??????????

Why is it that we Indians cannot see us living together? Why is it that we cannot live without abusing one another? Take your pick, whether it is by religion, culture, sect, caste, language, we always think of a foreigner as a “Paradesi” and that word has become a racial slur……..

Some idiots (who should be hanged) think that this country should be colored “Saffron”.
Some idiots (who should also be hanged) think that this country should be colored “Green”.
Some other idiots (though less in number and thank God for that) think that this country should have the Holy cross extending in all four directions.

Some other illiterate senile goons still think about India as four quarters (the overrated Aryan/Dravidian theory) and I don’t know why.

Why is it that people cannot think about India like this?

No saffron, no green, no black, no red…………. just plain WHITE……
Why cant people see India like this ordinary guy, just like all the other normal citizens of this great nation who think that “staying together” is the best thing that has happened to India. Why is it that they do not realize that if we get broken up, we are looking at the next Africa………… and that a billion people will suffer their worst nightmares………….

The old scriptures say that three kinds of people can be truly happy!!
1. A young innocent kid
2. A sage
3. A dead person

Options 1 and 2 are not available for me, and I do not believe in rebirth or the soul. So that also cuts out the third option as well…………
A mark of any civilized nation is Change, and I hope that the “Upholders of our Culture” realize that soon……..

Because I want my nation to change………Change for the better…………

PS: Happy Valentine's day everyone!!! Celebrate like there is no Tomorrow.......... to make a point, send a message across that,

"We, the normal people are the true Indians"!!!!!!!!!

Solilo's views on the matter

Solilo's Tag

I officially now have become the "Tag Master".......
In the words of "The Legendary Solilo", proper completion of this Tag would include:

• Pick the 6th picture of your 6th photo folder.
• Tell a story around it.
• Pass it on to six other people you like.

I have not been able to write anything stupid or lame or plain silly so far this week as work is killing...... but since this Tag has taken exactly 10 mins, 47 secs to write, I've posted it. I was actually curious about that 6th photo in the 6th folder and it turned out to be this:

I am not kidding guys, but this is the 6th photo in my 6th Photo folder. I took this photo around 2 months back in Chennai, in Velachery to be precise!!

I had travelled to Chennai for a weekend to be with family and friends and this was taken that Sunday. It was taken from the balcony of my friends house and we were all talking (like all good Indians) about politics and India in general. We were talking about how, our country has gone forward in the last 60 years, and how much has changed in the last ten years.

All my friends in that gang were with major MNCs and all of us did earn good bucks. So while we were talking about everything in general, my friend Mr. VR wanted a smoke and thus we all shifted base to the balcony and saw that..................................

That photos that you all see, was a stark reminder to me that not all have moved forward. I suppose it was the lure of "Money to fill stomach" that had forced that man to stand on 2 stools, risking his life to paint a window!!!

While one section of the society is moving forward at a great pace, earning money, accolades, the other "Larger" section still fight every day; for every meal, for every single penny, for basic standards of living................

Once we saw that, all of us stopped talking about the "New India" and went back into the house with questions in our mind.................

I pass this Tag on to IHM, Kanagu, Kislay, Chirag, Renu and Usha..............

Indyeah's Tag

I have been tagged by dear old Indyeah and actually she had me thinking; on whether I had to answer them seriously or be foolish and silly in my answer……. coz i am bad at this!!!
Sorry for the delay Indyeah, coz my project work reached its apogee this week (will talk about that in another post).
What she has asked for is basically a peek into this ordinary guy’s world and I will try to answer this tag sitting in my room!!!!
(All photos taken by this ordinary guy now for this Tag or at some point in his life)
So here goes……………….

The questions were:-
1. Your age on your next birthday
I will be 26 on 27/11/09. I just hope we do not have another 26/11 like last time.


2. A place you’d like to travel to:

It will always be the trek from Erumeli to Sabarimala during the peak season. A 45 km trek through the jungle, barefoot that is . I have done it a couple of times but I would love to do it again. Lord Ayyapan is not important for me in this trek. It is hard to explain, but the simple answer I can give is that, the word “ME” is forgotten in those 2-3 days. I am just another face in those countless faces on the trail. Everybody refer to each other as Swami. There are no differences between us; no caste, no religion, no monetary background, no language. We are all just simple humans who undergo that pilgrimage. All of us have our own reasons for doing this but we all strive to be good human beings in that trip.
3. Your Favorite place:

Chennai, The city of dreams and memories..............

My College, where I had an absolute blast for 4 years..........

A small village called "Kavalam" near Kottayam in Kerala. If you visit this place, you will believe that Kerala is "Gods Own Country". Please note the point, that it is way off any tourist's radar...................
4. Your favorite food/drink:

My Favorite food has now become "Maggi" and I am not kidding......drink will always be Coffee.
5. Your favorite pet :

Can I have "Shamu" the giant killer whale............?
6. Your favorite color combination:

The picture should say it all..... Black and White..............
7. Your favorite piece of clothing:

My Favorite will always be the Lungi............... no doubt about it.....
8. Your all time favorite song:

This is a tough one....... but i think the winner is Sealed with a Kiss by Brian Hyland.

10. Full name of your significant other:

My First love, my Pulsar 180.......... :)
11. The town in which you live:

Los Angeles......... it has now become a part of me.......
12. Your screen name/nickname:

Ordinary Guy.......coz that is what i truly am!!!!
13. Your first job:

Teaching kids with learning disability in a school for 3 months but I did not get paid for it. Hence my first job and my current job, is as a software engineer.
14. Your Dream Job

That is easy…. Getting paid for doing nothing… is there a job like that???????
15: Bad Habit you have:
Same photo as above.............

Many actually, but the main one is Sleep. I have to sleep for 8-9 hours at night. (I also sleep between 9-6 during days, but that does not count)
If I had lived 2000 years back, Valmiki would have found the perfect character to be Ravana’s brother and Kumbakarna would have gone home crying to his mommy.
16. Your worst fear:

My worst fear is that I might have to depend on others at some stage in my life.... It goes against the independent streak in my genes............
17. The one thing you would like to do before you die:

Do the same thing as I have done earlier.......SKYDIVING!!! but from an insane height.............

18. The first thing you’ll buy if you get $1,000,000:

Gamble the night away in Las Vegas without a care in the world.....................
19. Your favorite credo in life:

It is:

Nallathe Nenai,

Nallathe Sai,

Nallathe Nadakkum
which means:

Think Good,

Do Good,

Then good things will happen........................

That brings us to the end of the Tag............. :) Indyeah, if you are not happy, let me know, then I will rearrange the furniture in the house, and take the same photos again!!! LOL

Nadodikattu VIII: Our Warped Sense of Cleanliness

All of us are unique; all of us are different and all of us are quirky when it comes to certain issues and so is this ordinary guy.

His heightened sense mechanisms tell him that America is a clean country on the outside; clean roads, clean offices, clean restrooms and that got him thinking……

Back home in India, he finds that we have different perceptions of cleanliness……………

Most of us (ordinary people) can live in a clean house even if the neighborhood is dirty.
For a Hindu priest in the temple, impure might mean touching somebody while he is doing puja.
For a nun, impure might mean having thoughts of fornication.
For a young child, impure might mean being spotless clean.
For many people, impure might mean going to a temple without a bath even if they have to wade through murky drain water to get there.
For many Hindus, impure might mean eating beef.
For many Muslims, impure might mean eating pork.
For a devote Jain, impure might mean having onions and potato.
For “Raj Tactless”, impure might mean speaking in Bhojpuri.
For a Tamil Patriot, impure might mean speaking in Hindi.
For a cat, impure might mean not licking itself a thousand times a day.
For a dog, impure might mean getting wet.
For a devoted blogger, impure might mean not posting articles for some time.
This list of endless..............

We all have our own definitions of cleanliness but when are we going to concentrate on the basic and important ones???
Ain’t Cleanliness next to Godliness???
PS:
Ladies and gentlemen, for this ordinary guy, impure means “having clean shoes”……
He has given his shoes the works, but they never get dirty.
He has worn them to office daily; jogged with it; played cricket and they still remain (almost) as clean as they originally were!!!!
The damn shoes seems to be getting the better of him…. Have to teach them a lesson when he gets back to India!!

Nadodikattu VII: Operation "Shhappaaddu"

“Shhappaaddu” in Trivandrum slang Malayalam means Thali (for the Hindi inclined) or Meals (for the English inclined). If you say plain “Saapaadu”, you get a Tamil word and if you stress on the “hhh” and the "pp" using the perfect nasal twang, you get the Trivandrum mallu slang word.

What you see below is a small snippet of what has, in a span of a month become my Bible, my Koran, my Tipitaka, my Tattvartha Sutra, my Kamasutra, my Gita, my Rig Veda.

Just like Buddha Saar, became “The Enlightened One” under a Boddhi tree, or Newton Saar under an apple tree, I got enlightened when I was standing....err….standing under an exhaust fan for a good 3 hours. I realized that cooking was not an easy thing to do. Actually, I realized that cooking good food was not a simple task!!

The whole of last week, I managed to elude the “pleasure” of having to cook as I had a valid excuse of working long hours and my roommates had to put up with that! But it all changed this Monday. This Monday when I reached home at 7 PM, they were all waiting for me like how the lions wait for its prey or like how the ancient Aztecs used to wait for their sacrificial human guinea pig!

Mr. SV, a good Mallu who did not believe in small talk, went directly to the point,
“Mashe, innu dal choorum urulekazhangu fry madhi”, which when directly translated means “Teacher, today dal, rice and potato fry enough”.
But if you are a keen observer of human nature like I am, you get,
“You sloth, enough of this nonsense, you definitely have to cook dal, rice and potato fry today”.
Mr. SS, a fake Jain added, “Pagle, don’t use garlic, baki sab tik hai”.

And with a telepathic understanding, both of them left me high and dry.
SV managed to hide his impressive 42 inch frames behind his 15 inch laptop screen and SS dived into his bed sack pretending to sleep, leaving me all alone in the big kitchen………

At that moment, I felt like a young kid whose instructor was about to throw him into the deeper end of the pool. At that moment, I realized that it was going to be a trial by fire, a real test and I was actually curious to test my skills. My skills at that point entirely comprised of theoretical knowledge that my aunt had written down in a piece of paper before I left for the US. I read that paper a good three times to inculcate good cooking habits; coz the instructions included points like washing the rice trice before putting it into the cooker and to not use the ends of the onions or the insides of a capsicum. (God Bless Mrs. MS in Mumbai).

When I looked around the kitchen, I realized that not a single vessel had been washed and that the floor contained food samples from the whole week, right from the cabbage we had last Monday to the pizza we had on Sunday. Being a stickler for cleanliness (just kidding), I went about in clinical fashion to clean up the mess which took me a good hour!! At about 8, I realized that I was exhausted and that the kitchen was not looking any better so then, I decided to chuck that approach and went into phase two.

In the second phase of the project (yeah, I tend to glorify such things), I took down a list/inventory of all that I would need and decided that cutting the vegetables would be the apt thing to do under such circumstances. You would not believe me guys, but I never have before in my life, faced such a rebellious stack of vegetables.

The stupid onions tried every dirty tactics they had in their rule book so that I would give up on my task. They even made this (otherwise stoic) ordinary guy CRY! The potatoes were no better. They tried running away from me as much as possible (which hurt this innocent guy) and I was made to get up multiple times to pick them up from the floor. The tomatoes, aahh… less said the better. I think that they took umbrage to the fact that I had not treated the other vegetables with respect. When I finished cutting the tomatoes, I was left with a thick paste with not a single piece intact. Indecent fellows, I tell you………
I also realized that the “Biggest Charlatan” award for the vegetable family has to be given to the Capsicum. They are impressive looking, green and big when you buy them, but when you have them nicely chopped up, you realize that you are left behind with exactly 1/10th of what you had originally.
But yes, finally (for the record) I did manage to put down the rebellion of those silly vegetables with an iron fist!!

I then realized that the easiest part in the “Cooking Experience” was the actual cooking!!! And thus, the third phase commenced when this brave soul started cooking, again with the single shred of paper as his guide and mentor. By that time, I was done, it was 10 PM and the kitchen looked as if a tsunami had hit it.

The cooking was pretty much uneventful except for this:

Don’t ask me as to how I managed to do this but I think the pan ended up like that due to a complicated series of occurrences which included activities like washing it, cooking food in it, dancing with it, throwing it around, stepping on it and cursing it. In my humble opinion, I think that it was the cursing part which did it in!!! (Don’t know if it was the Mallu or the Hindi or the Tamil curses which worked!!!).

PS: The food was edible to say the least and I now have respect, respect for the millions of people who have to deal with this day in and out. Give me a hundred kilo lines of code to review any day; I would rather do that than cook!
PPS: I really now need to find out of there is a decent Jumbo Vadapav joint where I live.
PPPS: I survived the ordeal listening to this, which reminded me of this.

Rebel Without A Cause

“Wake up Venkata”, said a voice in his head.

Venkata Lingarao got up in a haze. His head was hurting as he did not get much sleep the previous night and in that sleepy state, looked at the clock. It read 6:30 AM.
“Now, who is going to wake me up so soon”, wondered Venkata.

The knock on the door was louder this time and it was followed by those same harsh words, “Wake up Venkata”.
Venkata felt an ice cold wave zip up his spine as he recognized his mother’s voice!!
He knew that she knew. Whenever she called him Venkata, he knew that something was wrong.
“Hey Mom, give me a minute”, exclaimed Venkata in a guttural tone and rushed into the bathroom.

As he washed his face with cold water, he thought long and hard on the reason for his mothers visit. This was actually the first time, his mother had ever visited his den so early in the morning and this was the first time that she was here without informing him. In a couple of minutes, when he had composed himself enough, he went and opened the door with a bewildered look.

The look on his mothers face told him that she knew of his antics.
“What were you doing yesterday”, fired his mother in a harsh tone as an opening line. “Were you in that mob which attacked those girls?. I saw the video in the news. Don’t lie to me.”

He had never seen his mother so angry before and he also knew of her infamous short fuse.
“But Mom, those girls, they were drinking, and behaving in a manner which is against our Hindu culture”, quailed Venkata invoking his Hindu culture and sense of righteousness.
In a jarring note, she said, “Venkata, what do you know of our culture. Have you ever read any of our holy books?”

Venkata had no other option but to shake his head.
She continued on, “Were you not drunk with the other idiots when you attacked those girls?”
Venkata had no other option but accept that as well.

“Is this the way I brought you up; Is this the way, you repay your culture, through violence”, continued his mother.
Venkata had to say something, and he cried out, “But Mom, Sri Ram Sena is here to protect our society from all evils. Pramod Muthalik told us that”.

He realized that he had said the wrong thing as his mother’s expression changed to a look of disgust and contempt.
“Listen Son, I have brought you up as a single parent and I know that you did not have a father figure in your life, but that does not mean that you follow that lunatic who spews hatred all around”. His mother was never more earnest.

“Our culture which your stupid Sena talks about is not about a certain set of rules. It is not about history, nor is it about our Gods. It is something above that. It is about the people. It is about a way of life, it is about having all the deviations which makes us, what we are and ultimately, it is about our constitution and it is about free speech and action within the framework of our constitution in this great land. Our culture which your stupid Sena talks about is not about a lady having a drink, it is not about wearing revealing clothes, but it is about respect and compassion and freedom of expression”.
"LEARN THAT FIRST IF YOU WANT TO CALL YOURSELF AN INDIAN".

“Do you realize that what you did is criminal, to say the least”, asked his mother and continued,
“It is you in fact who is corrupting our land, spewing hatred and acting like a street vermin. I hate to say this but I feel ashamed to call you my son!!!”

And thus she walked away from Venkata and got into the auto which took her away from him.
Venkata spent the next few hours contemplating on what next to do and finally decided that he had had enough of hatred and the Ram Sena to last a single lifetime and decided to disassociate himself with that organization and also decided that he needed to win back his mothers respect!!

Links to this Post: IHM, Indyeah and HitchWriter and Solilo.

My 50th Post on this blog.... :( a sad 50th post........

The TamBrahm

Like the incessant wave that erodes the soil from the river bank, Natarajan Dīkshitar too felt the relentless pain gnaw at his heart.
For the last forty years, he had been watching the world around him as an impassive spectator. That was because his life was restricted to just 40 acres of land. He had put all his energies over the last twenty years in the worship of his lord in his temple. He had missed food on multiple occasions, fought his way through storms and rain, battled sickness but had never missed the puja schedule.
He did all this not because of a sense of duty but just because of pure unadulterated faith. Being a Dīkshitar, this was what he had grown up watching and this was what he wanted to do from a young age and though the community was decreasing in number and faith, he still had forged ahead with an iron resolve.

It was a hot morning in the little town called Chidambaram and Natarajan had just finished his puja of his beloved lord Shiva and he had some spare time with him. The years of hard work in the temple had taken its toll on his body. Though he did have a few niggles here and there, the stress that he had in his life had debilitated him to a great extent.
As a spectator, he watched from the sidelines as the Dravidian movement spread right across the state and he knew the implications of that. He was not bothered that much as after all; he was in the chamber of God. He kept telling the other priests that, in front of his Shivan’s Tandavam, Karunanidhi was nothing.

But in the last two years, his world had come crashing down. First of all, it was the mandate by the High Court that Tamil could be used for chanting the sacred Devaram inside the temple that had crushed him. He had fought that decision of the court with all his strength but he found the government totally lacking in interest. For Natarajan, tradition was everything and he did live his life by a certain code and from 2008, he found that his lifestyle had changed thanks to these infidels.
What brought an even bigger change to his soul was his very own son. Natarajan had always been the doting father. It was taken for granted that Ananth would continue the family tradition of a thousand years of being a Dīkshitar and he had taught his son everything about the scriptures.

But last week, Ananth had surprised all his family members and announced that he was going to Chennai to take up a job and that he was inspired to join a political party!!!
Natarajan was totally shocked at this change of heart by this young bloke!! After all, Ananth was taught all the Vedas and was brought up to believe that service to God was like attaining moksha!!!! That shock was later replaced by a deep sorrow that made Natarajan restless and unhappy.
So this morning for the puja, he had prayed that extra harder to Shiva as this was the day that his only son would be going to Chennai. As he was wallowing in self pity, he could see his beloved son come up to him.
“Good morning Appa”, beamed Ananth with a big smile. He was dressed fashionably with the vesthi worn in a rakish manner. Long limbed, tall, dark with eyes that held an infinite sparkle, he looked like sakshaath Shivan himself, to his father’s eyes.

Natarajan’s eyes swelled up with tears and in that last minute attempt pleaded, “Do you have to go payya. This is our tradition that this family has been following for a thousand years. You cannot do this to us”.

There was this look of compassion on his son’s face and after a gap of a few seconds, Ananth said, “Appa, We all believe in something that we want, something that takes us forward. I have all the respect in the world, for what you do and your ideals but unfortunately, mine don’t match.”

“But payya, Service to God is something that we all have to do. It is our dharma, our birthright, our very existence. You are an Iyer, remember that”, negated Natarajan.

“My dear dad, you have taught me well, everything about life, the scriptures, the Vedas and the Puranas but I unfortunately interpret them to mean that; service to man, is like service to God. All of us in life, we need to follow a dharma, your way or my way, it does not matter. All that matters is that we carry forward into the next generation, a change. A change for the good; a change for the better, a change so that every human lives peacefully living his life to the fullest. Your ways as sacred as they may be, are not for me and hence, I am going forward in my chosen path and I need your blessing, appa”, retorted Ananth.

Natarajan had no other option but to bless his son who was making a mark for himself.

With that, his only son, his twenty something son walked out the temple into the bright day in his chosen path. He walked confidently, a careless ease, eyes sparkling with hope, a mischief in his smile and with a confidence that stems from the fact that he knew what he was doing!!!
and Natarajan watched as his only son, faded away into the crowd.

Links to this post: IHM on why she thinks that traditions are not that great.

Nadodikattu VI: Indianization of the Globe!!!!

I am not kidding guys!!! The process has started!!! After all, every person in six is an Indian, so this had to happen. This is also shows the extent and depth of our Indian Diaspora over here in America.
As always, it starts with the cuisine, then the language and finally the traditions….
The final phase of our project has started and you would not believe what we did before it commenced!!!

Under normal circumstances, this ordinary guy can answer questions regarding India, its past and its present with a certain poise but unfortunately, under these extreme circumstances, he was totally lost!!!
Under normal circumstances, this suave ordinary guy can deflect questions which he does not want to answer easily. As a software engineer, he got to learn all these simple tricks but today, he was unusually lost for words!!

Case study1 (normal scenario):
Manager: So when is the team going to submit the test scripts? It is already late?
OG: It is a difficult question to answer. It depends on when the developers deliver the code, how many defects they fix and on the overall stability of the application.
(Aha… I won there)

Manager: When are you going to close these 40 defects that are still open?
OG: That is actually a good question and I appreciate you asking me this (OG is thinking all this time). The test team back in India has a lot of test development left remaining. I have conveyed to them that their top priority is that followed by defect resolution. So I think we can take a call on this by early next week when we have a better picture. Rest assured that we are on top of our game.
The priority of the test team is test development, as you know so that we ensure that we squeeze out all the defects now rather than later. (Note the fact that I said the same thing in active and then passive voice).
(Aha… I won there too)

Another weapon that we down-to-earth software engineers use is “Physiological Warfare”. Give your manager the worst case scenario and better that in performance. He is happy and you are happy too!!

But when this ordinary guy gets asked these simple questions, he quivers from head to toe and starts profoundly sweating. I suppose, Hitler, on being to asked to sing a lullaby would have faced a similar predicament.

Case study2 (Kalip scenario): (problematic scenario):

Programmer 1: So why do we break a coconut before we start something?
OG: (Gulp) it is tradition.

Programmer 2: But why, there has to be some reason behind it?
OG: We....Indians....err.......do it to ensure the successful completion of what we start.

Team Lead: So how do you break the coconut? Throw it or use a hammer or jump on it?
OG: Well, We…I …err… think that we throw it against a stone to achieve maximum damage using the minimum force.

Manager (the mastermind): So, do you want us to throw it on its head or in its side?
OG: I think…we.... (kicking myself by now)…. You… them…. I think the side should be perfect as you want to break it into 2 halves thus ensuring we all get coconut to eat!!

Ladies and Gentlemen,
Have you seen a firangi pick up stuff from the road and eat it!!! I did today!!!! We all had coconut Prasadam today…. To ensure that my project gets completed!!!!
Every member in the team broke a coconut for good luck regardless of ethnicity..........

(Thanks to my firangi PM who seems have met some useless and persuasive Indians in the past…. who had to teach him this, when we have so many good traditions……)
Dear Coconut God,
If you are listening to this, then help us complete our project coz our faith goes beyond our boundaries and barriers and our traditions (as misguided as they may be) gives hope to countless people around the globe regardless of nationality……………..
At the end of day, misguided faith for a good reason is not bad after all!!!!!!!

PS: WHY DO WE BREAK THE DAMN COCONUT??????(and I wish I had a camera to capture the moment; will update post with photo if I get my hands on it from someone else).....

Thanks Guys!!!!

Fifteen years ago, there was this young kid in Chennai. He was a scrawny kid with big thick glasses and he had a few issues. He could not make it to the sports meet because he was always sick and he did not score high marks because he was not good at studies. At that point, Chennai (or should I say Madras) was his Universe!!!

Ten years ago, that kid was a lanky teen. He had braces and the big glasses still hampered his mobility. He could not make it to the school cricket team because he was not a sportsman, he could not make it into the athletic circle coz again he was not good enough and he could not get the girls to like him coz he was a geek. He also found himself in a totally alien culture of malluland (Cochin) where he could not even make out the simple words that his classmates spoke!!! He very simply at that point hated everything Mallu and loved his Tamil identity.

Seven years ago, this tall, introvert, sun burnt teen with brown hair found himself in a college in Trivandrum where politics was the life and blood of the students. He had absolutely no idea on what to do when he was ragged for the whole night the very first time and he hated everything.

Three years ago, that young confident adult walked out of college with a job in faraway Mumbai. He looked back on those 4 years of college as the very best in his life but that was a chapter that was over and then began his quest for a place in this universe. At that point of time, he took pride in his hybrid Tamil and Mallu identity and loved everything about it!!

He tried his hand at coding, did not like it. He tried learning C, but he could not see beyond the first 100 lines of the code. He tried Java but the only part of it that he liked was the coffee part of it. He tried his hand at database management but he ended up corrupting the whole DB. He tried software testing but the auditors started finding bugs in his automation code. English was a language that he knew enough of. Hence this ordinary guy took up blogging.
At that point, he very simply loved his Indian Identity and wanted to talk about it!!!

I am honored to receive these awards from my favorite bloggers: IHM, Smitha and Indyeah.

(I will do the passing on part of it pretty soon)

Thanks once again!!!

I have an 8 AM meeting tomorrow thanks to the neo nazi PM that I have.......... Hence the delay in the passing on part of it.......

Nadodikattu V: A Proud Heretic!!

(please forgive the font;experiment gone bad)

Once upon a time there lived a hard core heretic called Mr. FR (of the egg-scapade incident). Well, that was what we thought until now.

It was only recently that I realized that he had been fooling us and his family all this while!!

When people ask FR about his religious standing, he would say, “Well actually I am not an atheist but I do not believe in God either”.

He does have a few claims to greatness. First of all, he is six foot three inches, which automatically qualifies in the top 5 % of all desi’s and he says that girls dig that!!

This ordinary guy, on the other hand thinks that FR resembles a lamp post with extended arms (like an orangutan) and legs, on which sits a nice oval shaped childish face!!

His every movement looks odd as if his arms and legs use a mechanical pump and not flesh and muscles.

His sense of style is very simply outlandish but he still continues in the same vein.

He does have a few idiosyncratic mannerisms but he never changes.

As a result of all the above, there are very few people who would actually forget him after they meet him, unless that person happens to be Sanjay Singhania…….

His next claim to greatness is that he shares his first name with a certain illustrious and controversial revolutionary who has made many politicians of the free world have nightmares in their sleep. The very mention of his name can, I have heard, make a few Americans piss in their pants….

As a result of which, mere normal god fearing mortals generally play a guessing game when they meet him and end up losing.

When Mr. FR meets people, and declares with that winning smile, “Hi, I am F----“; different people behave differently.

The firangi American would first cringe and look at him suspiciously and act as if a devil lurks behind that smiling cherubic face.

The average Indian would look at him from head to toe assessing his ethnicity first, before asking him, “Are you an Anglo-Indian”?

A Malayalee, especially a sakkavu (comrade) would welcome him with wide arms and follows that up with, “Aliyaaaaaaa (brother in law), How are you?”

A Latino would look at him with a glazed look and starts talking in Spanish and FR would say, “Gracias Gracias”.

Well the truth is that, he is from Kerala, the land of coconuts, coconut oil and kallu with a few million commies thrown in…..

And he comes from a family with an incurable belief and he did get his name thanks to a granddad who was a staunch Communist. It is also said that the Das Kapital gets recited religiously in the mornings in his house and the Puja Room has photos of Karl Max, Stalin, Lenin and Che Guevera and not Krishna or Rama.

Coming back to the story,

Last Sunday afternoon when this ordinary guy and Mr. FR had nothing better to do, we decided to pay our respect to the Malibu Hindu Temple!!!!!!!

People who knew this ordinary guy asked, “Why a temple in America dude, when you visit none in India”?

And people who knew FR were outraged, “Youuuuuu in a temple….. How can that be when you do not believe in God”?

“Elementary, my dear Watson”, we said in union when asked this question. That particular temple serves some great sambar sadam(sambar rice) for three dollars; a typical mouth watering Tamizh fare that is hard to letup and hence this Sunday, we did go to the temple.

When we did finally visit the temple, one thing that I noticed immediately was that it was CLEAN!!!!! Unlike our great Indian temples and it was so serene.

I prayed to all the Gods in the temple for world peace (just kidding.. :P ) and FR followed and acted as if, he was praying, thanks to the truculent looking Iyengar mama who followed us with his vulture eyes and finally we had our food in peace!!

(A Sunday well spent I would say)……

Is that not reason enough to visit a temple???????

Keep it simple and there would not be a problem. Religion is as simple as that for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was only in the evening when I realized the significance behind FR’s statement, “Well actually I am not an atheist but I do not believe in God either”……………………………

The truth was that he did pay his respects to a few privileged Gods like Gambrinus and Dionysus as shown below:

The point of this whole (meaningless) post being; we are all comfortable with what works for us and we need to define what is religion for ourselves and not let others decide that for us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

An atheist is happy in his beliefs and a religious person is also happy; so why do we insignificant midgets in this universe try to force our views on others…………………………..

FR ain't a communist, he ain't a capitalist but he is merely a pragmatist... and he is happy!!!!

PS:

Later in the evening, when I told my mother that I had gone to the temple, she asked me as to which God it was meant for and only then did I realize that I had not looked that up at all…… :P

She was happy that her son at least visited a temple and her son was happy that his mom was happy!!!

Life can be that simple!!!

And I hope everyone who is reading this has guessed FR’s first name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nearing 50!!

I never thought that I would come so far in my blogging life. This is the 45th post and I never realized the transformation; the transformation from being a casual blogger to a more serious one.

At first, blogging was a way to escape a life style that I did not like. I could write a blog and still look like I was working :P (in office).

At first, I thought blogging was only about writing articles. It was only when I was about 10-15 posts down, did I realize that the joy in blogging comes from commenting on others blogs and receiving comments as well. When that first happened, it completely blew me away; so many unique view points, so many great blogs, so many great articles, so many great bloggers and then the realization sinks in that I am just another “Ordinary Guy”.

I would like to thank (from the bottom of my heart):

IHM: You are the best blogger I have met online. Thanks also for being the first commentator on my blog!! I would love to meet you in person sometime. You are such a great inspiration for a lot of people!!!

Kislay: Thanks for some great comments and I just love your style of writing (dil se).

1conoclast: Your blogs always reminds me of the fact that we have a long way to go and also reminds me of the fact that “The pen can be mightier than the sword”.

Smitha: A lot of great thoughts, a lot of great ideas. Kidilam.... as we say in malayalam.

Bones: You always come up with something unexpected. Needless to say, I am impressed!!!

Quirky Indian: You come up with some of the best articles and your style of writing is brilliant.

Indyeah: If there is any blogger who can write from the heart and soul, it is you. All your posts are just sssssimply brilliant!!! You should go pro……

JP Joshi: Being an Air force pilot, I realize that you know what “Patriotism” is all about, but I thank you for sharing your thoughts with everyone and teaching us.

Vinod Sir: I might agree with some of your view, and there are some I might not, but that is what we Humans are all about (Different view points). Please continue writing such amazing and inspiring articles.

Joey alias KJ: My friend, my brother. Thanks for giving me all the feedback right from my first post to the last one, over the phone!! You should start blogging dude :)

Renu: For some thought provoking inspiring posts.

Thank you once again but I would also like to ask you all a simple question:
“How can this ordinary guy improve on his writing??”
I would love some feedback.

Blogging is a great medium to get your views around and I feel humbled when I think of the power that it has.